When you go through them:
• Pick one topic at a time (money, time, phones, in‑laws, chores, etc.).
• Take turns answering without interrupting.
• Write down any “rules” you both agree on.
The questions:
1. When we fight about this, what are we each actually afraid will happen if it never changes?
2. What do I wish you would do differently in this situation, in very specific, observable terms?
3. What do you wish I would do differently, in very specific, observable terms?
4. What feels unfair to you about how we currently handle this?
5. What feels unfair to me about how we currently handle this?
6. If we had to write one simple “rule” for how we want to handle this from now on, what would it say?
7. On a scale of 1–10, how important is this rule to you personally? (Each partner answers.)
8. What should happen if one of us breaks this rule once by mistake?
9. What should happen if it keeps happening even after we’ve talked about it?
10. When we look back a year from now, what would make us say “we really fixed this” about this topic?
You can use these questions on their own, or with The Couples Codex by turning your answers into formal Codex lines inside the workbook.